This will be me during the 2012 “apocalypse”.
As part of our Monday reading series with God (@TheTweetofGod), and the help of David Javerbaum (comedy writer and former producer of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart), every week we’re publishing the daily signs of the apocalypse you need to watch for. Let us know if you spot any!
9/24 The Dalai Lama is arrested in a Compton brothel after beating a hooker senseless during a weeklong crack binge.
9/25 Whenever the shofar is blown during Yom Kippur services, it plays the theme song from The Benny Hill Show.
9/26 Mitt Romney is caught in a rainshower while campaigning and treated for third-degree rust.
9/27 The value of p is now found to be 6.66.
9/28 The ghosts at Disney World’s Haunted Mansion come to life and terrify visitors with ghastly tales of their former lives as employees at Disney World.
9/29 To appease nervous parents, the governors of Colorado and Wyoming agree to round the corners of their states to make them baby-proof.
9/30 Brangelina separate. After a bitter custody fight over their name, they will ultimately agree to divorce as Brang Pitt and Elina Jolie.
For more information, see THE LAST TESTAMENT, by God.